Week 12: Is This Thing On Repeat?

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but… our starting QBs scored the fewest combined points this week. Again. Six were again in single digits, another six were in the mid-teens, and only two had the decency to go for 20+. One who did was the S*Heads’ Matthew Stafford, who helped Kurt cut into Buckguys’ lead atop the QB Rankings.

No other drama in the other Bonuses, really. Dollz and The U extended their leads in the RB Bonus and WR Bonus standings, respectively. Three Stooges maintained their claim on the Best Record Bonus, and The U added a second Weekly Top Score Bonus to their digital wallet,

It was the lowest-scoring week of the year, and you know who’s fault it was? Sam Darnold’s. The Quarterbacks! Five teams got single-digit scoring from their QBs: Fartz, Heavy Flight, Juice, Pain Train and Thinkers. Everyone else not named Buckguys got low-to-mid teens. So you can imagine the impact that Buckguys’ Josh Allen and his 46.68 points had on the QB Bonus rankings, and if you can’t just scroll down a bit.

All other categories are about the same, save for Dollz scooping up a Weekly Score Bonus with –what else? — the second-lowest high-score of the year. But I’m sure Thurm will still take the $10.

Week 10: Stafford > Josh Allen > Mariotta

If your quarterback had tossed 13 TDs in the last THREE games, you’d probably be challenging for the QB Bonus lead, right? And so it is for S*Heads, whose Matthew Stafford has catapulted Kurt from fourth place in Week 6 to second place in Week 10, a mere 0.06 off Buckguys’ lead. Doug’s Josh Allen kept him in first, it’s true, but with Dollz giving the ball back to Patrick Mahomes this week — thanks for your service, Marcus, but No — it looks like a sprint to the finish in the final four weeks.

Far less drama in the RB Bonus and WR Bonus, where both Dollz’ RBs and The U’s WRs added to their respective leads.

Three Stooges maintained sole possession of the Best Record Bonus to date, and Heavy Flight added a second Top Score Bonus to his trophy shelf.

Week 9: Musical Chairs

When the music stopped last night, two of three Week 8 Bonus leaders found themselves without a seat. Although, to be accurate, Buckguys didn’t so much give up their chair as slip into another’s. Dollz still rule the RB Bonus of course, but have lost their lead in the QB Bonus to Buckguys (last week’s runner-up). Also, The U usurped the WR Bonus throne, casting out last week’s leader Buckguys.

Week 8: Buckguys seize the opportunity

The U was in a spot this past weekend: both his QBs were unavailable, as Jared Goff was on bye and Jayden Daniels was Out. So The U left his QB slot empty, and with no-one to throw them the ball, The U’s WRs Courtland Sutton and Devonta Smith delivered sub-par weeks. And just like that, The U lost its lead in the WR Bonus to Buckguys.

No such drama in the QB Bonus and RB Bonus, where Dollz lost a little ground in the former but padded their lead in the latter.

And in the Weekly Top Score Bonus, S*Heads turns in an eye-popping number. It’s no 173.60, as Juice posted in Week 7, but Kurt’s 169.66 is pretty, pretty close.

Week 7: Pain Train gets the girl, but Pops gets the points

Remember how last week we had new leaders in the Beatdown and Blowout bonuses? Forget all that. This past weekend, as son Max married Hannah, Papa Juice put a blowout beatdown on Heavy Flight and now those Bonuses belong to him, as well as the high score for Week 7 (and for the season, so far).

No shakeup in the other Bonuses this week: Dollz still commands the QB Bonus and the RB Bonus, and The U rules the WR Bonus. Flight’s loss to Juice knocks him out of his share of the Best Record Bonus, at least for now. It’s just Dollz and — sigh — Three Stooges with the same, sensational 6-1 record.

Old news: Dollz dominate the RB Bonus, pretty much tripling their lead since the last update, in Week 3. Also an old story: The U maintains its hold on the WR Bonus. But what’s this? Thanks to new BFF Patrick Mahomes, Thurm is QB1 as well! It’s 2018 all over again. Now that was a great year!

Also new: change is afoot in the Beatdown Bonus (Hounds) and Blowout Bonus (Heavy Flight), and Dollz, Flight and Three Stooges continue their joint claim to the Best Record Bonus.

I draw your attention to the “Beatdown Bonus” and “Blowout Bonus,” wherein one ‘Ganger has already sustained the highest high and the lowest low this season. Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds, they say. No hobgoblins here.

Ground Control to Major Tom: ‘You Are A Problem, Sir’

Alabama Men don’t top the Points Bonus lists — yet — but in the other Bonus categories, those guys pose a problem for the rest of us. Only Hurt Locker’s blowout win over Straight Outta The Commode stands between Men and a sweep of the Week 2 team bonus award standings. Tom posted the highest scores in both Week 1 and Week 2, and his 2-0 start puts him in the running for Best Start and Best Record bonuses, too.